January was a month spent mostly being sick. The illnesses running around the country this year were just awful. From the flu, to pink eye, to just the cold over and over, it seemed we were never going to be healthy again. Somehow, through lots of natural remedies, prevention, and grace of God, we stayed out of the doctor's office or hospital (so far), though many around us weren't as lucky.
The boys and I had an awful cough for awhile which we treated with garlic compresses, essential oils and colloidal silver in the nebulizer.
All this kid wants is Daddy, especially when he's sick!
We drank lots of tea too, which William enjoyed a lot
Ginger and Asian Pear tea with raw honey
Day spent hanging in Mommy's bed
Helpful little boy
Another one of his "chores"
In between getting sick, we managed to get out to Boston to the Isabella Stuart Gardner Museum. I was feeling so cooped up from being stuck inside and I was dying to just walk around somewhere, and somewhere with greenery! This museum is actually an old house (mansion) that used to belong to Isabella Stuart Gardner where she collected many pieces of art (many of them rich in Catholic history) and even made her own indoor garden at the center of it. After a lovely stroll around the museum, we stopped at a very neat cafe in Boston and enjoyed cuppas.
William enjoyed watching the train going by
We got a decent amount of snow this year and the boys had a lot of fun playing in it!
Trip to the hardware store with Daddy
Doing "projects" with Daddy (bolting the bureau to the baseboard so it doesn't fall and crush one of the boys since it's not very stable)
Another Sunday afternoon trip into Boston to walk around Boston Commons
You'll have to excuse this Christmas post, but I've been so negligent of my little blog that I forgot to post anything about Christmas! Despite the sadness we endured Christmas evening, we still had a very nice Christmas Season.
December 23rd:
Time to get the tree!
Because we got the tree so late, we got it very cheap along with a free wreath!
Christmas Eve:
Christmas Eve was a lovely day relaxing and decorating the house up for Christmas! William was just beside himself with excitement this year. It was the first year he really understood what was going on.
Building a fancy train track with Daddy
Christmas present from Tess to Zenith ;)
Christmas Eve in their new pajamas!
Mary and Joseph, after traveling all over the countryside (the house) have finally arrive in Bethlehem!
Cookies and Milk for St. Nicholas! William was quite excited at this strange idea, especially the carrots for his reindeer.
Only the best for St, Nicholas! Homemade chocolate chip cookies with some nice, creamy raw milk :)
Christmas Day:
Merry Christmas from the Martello Household!
And while we were all sleeping, St. Nicholas decorated the Manger! And left a very special present...the first Gift of Christmas.
Sockings have been filled and the cookies, milk and carrot are gone!
The first Gift of Christmas has been opened and the Child Jesus has been laid in the Manger
Looking back through the photos I realize I didn't take any of the boys' reactions on Christmas morning. We chose not to see them through a viewfinder but instead enjoy those precious moments and keep them in our memories instead of in picture form. I will instead describe the scene as it was so heartwarming and special, I never want to forget it.
We woke William up as we wanted to make sure we had plenty of time to get to Mass. He came out of his room, blurry eyed but full of excitement as he first saw the Manger scene, all lit up and decorated. He noted every new decoration and then we opened the first Gift of Christmas. His joy at finding the Baby Jesus, delivered by St. Nicholas was so sweet and after singing Happy Birthday, we placed Him in His crib. He then proceeded to notice the stockings, the plate left with only crumbs and pieces of carrot. We talked of how Jesus was born today and how St. Nicholas came in honor of Our Savior to celebrate His birthday. William then presented his gift of "jewels" (the beads in the jar he had been collecting with every good action or sacrifice he had made throughout Advent) to Jesus and his little face was filled with pride at being able to present Our Infant King with a gift.
Marcellus ran from this to that, not really understanding, but catching the excitement from everyone else.
After Mass, we celebrated with a lovely brunch of herb Parmesan scrambled eggs, bacon and homemade croissants which I spent the past few days trying to conquer!
Still working on it, but I think Zenith enjoyed them ;)
After brunch we opened stockings but made no rush to open presents. We wanted the focus to be where it should be...on Our Lord in the stable. The boys went down for naps and Zenith and I had a nice time alone to open each other's gifts and relax.
One of the treats in Zenith's stocking
Zenith's Christmas gift...Benchmade knife which he spent the last several month dropping hints for ;)(which he played with all day)
I got a hand blender to replace the one that had very sadly broken a few months before. I use it for a lot of things so I was very excited to have a new and improved one to add to my kitchen! I also received some other small goodies from him. :)
After the boys woke up we did presents with them. The boys each got three presents in accordance with the number of presents Our Lord received; two from us...something to read and something to wear...and then one from St. Nicholas, something to play with. William got a small piano which he is fairly good at making small melodies on. Marcellus got a push/rocking giraffe which you'll see later in this post. The each got some goodies from both sets of grandparents as well.
Christmas dinner! On the menu: Roast beef, balsamic green beans, and fondant potatoes
Advent candles are replace with white!
And a few other snapshots of after Christmas
Out to breakfast to celebrate the feast of the Circumcision!
Epiphany...Merry Little Christmas!
The Wisemen have arrived and brought treats for everyone!
A book for each boy and a game for both of them. And cookies for Daddy of course ;)
I'm going to wrap up this post and I'll keep trying to catch you up in the days that follow.
Miscarriage. It’s one
of those taboo words likes infertile, stillbirth, death…any kind of loss is
just tough to talk about whether it be your own or another’s. So how do you help someone out who is going
through that? Honestly, I don’t
know. I don’t know because it’s what I’m
going through now and I don’t even know how to handle it myself. I couldn’t even begin to express the hoard of
emotions that comes rushing over you when you realize the child you once
carried, for however short a time, is no longer there; that the life once
inside will now never know the face of God without the grace of baptism. There. I said it. The greatest thing that haunts me as a
mother; 4 of my children will never see the face of God. If you want taboo, now that’s taboo. How do you offer comfort to a grieving mother
when you can’t offer her the most consoling thing?
Does that mean God has just abandoned mothers who
miscarry? That He really doesn’t care
about those children that are seemingly tossed aside? Of course not and never for a moment would I
consent to think that way. What is Faith
unless it is tested? How can I proclaim
that I have total trust in God and the first bump in the road throw that
so-called Faith to the wayside? I can’t. Despite all this heartache, gloom,
depression, anger, despair, and confusion that rages inside, I don’t doubt for
a second that God foresaw this and also foresaw the good that will come of
this, provided I allow Him to continue working in my life. It’s in God’s plan…how can I not feel comfort
in that? God doesn’t cause anything bad
to happen…that’s the result of sin. He
gave us the chance at a perfect world long ago and we squandered that
opportunity. We, through our eagerness
to sin, have caused the disorder that has befallen our world. However, despite God giving us a perfect
world and us throwing it back in His face and rejecting Him, He still works to
make every bad thing good again. How sad
He must be to see an aching mother’s heart, breaking over the loss of a
child. All He wants is to comfort and
make right again, if we would only let Him.
All He asks is for us to come to Him in prayer, and there He is, arms
outstretched, ready comfort and guide us.
My intellect knows all this but in those moments of aching
and confusion, everything becomes so muddled.
No matter how many times I hear it or read it, it won’t sink in until I
bring myself to my knees before the cross and ask; ask God for the grace of
acceptance, the grace to move on and glorify Him through these trials.
So we’re back to how do you comfort a grieving mother? Offer her sympathy and then pray. Pray for her to find God in this and God will
do the rest. I know from experience that
I will not move on or find comfort until I drop to my knees before God and give
Him everything, yet each time, despite that knowledge, I struggle. Because I know that even after that, it still
hurts. And it hurts for a long
time. And I’m not ready yet to bear that
burden. But I always forget that I don’t
bear it alone…Our Lord shoulders it with me, carrying me in these times of
hardship.
And there is also comfort in the belief that though my babies are not in Heaven with Our Lord, they are in a place with no suffering or sadness. Though there is no defined doctrine on this in the Church, it has been the opinion of Saints and theologians throughout the years that there is no merited punishment and therefore they are in a place of complete contentment. We also believe that God has given every soul a guardian angel until the moment they reach their final destination and whether it be Limbo or otherwise, I imagine my babies' guardian angels, ever so gently, taking my babies into their arms to carry them to that final destination.
I’m not ready to move forward but I never will be. It doesn’t mean that I don’t. There are going to be ups and downs and
constant reminders. Just this morning, I
woke up feeling more like I could handle the day and then I found out about another mother who was expecting her third and I dissolved into a puddle of tears. With all the expectant mothers
around me, there are constant reminders of what I had, but lost. Every moment of pain, however, is an
opportunity to allow grace to work within me; another jewel I can put in my
treasure box to give to Our Lord. He
made sacrifice so beautiful, the ultimate example of love. And now He’s giving me the opportunity to
imitate that example while supplying the strength I need to do so. And just because my heart aches for another
child I’ve lost, doesn’t mean I’m not also happy at the same time for another
mother bringing forth life. Yes, it’s a
reminder, but it’s also beautiful because for a child lost, there is another
one being brought into this world and I would have to be extremely selfish not
to see the joy in that.
I didn’t know how this post was going to end, but I knew I
needed to write it, even if it was just to once again organize the muddled
thoughts inside. It seems God has worked
through my fingers on this keyboard to offer me some comfort while trying to
write something for you all. By allowing
others to read these thoughts, I’m somehow committing to them; it is holding me
accountable that even in those hard moments I’m going to pick myself up again
and keep bringing it back before the cross, where I will find strength to continue
forward.
There is heartache in suffering, but there is also peace and joy when you unite it with that of Our Lord, trusting in His Divine Plan, and remembering this life is a valley of tears. Someday this life will end, and the one that awaits us has no more tears and no more pain. The tears are a reminder that we were not made for this life but for the next, and that is where our focus should be.
Please keep us in your prayers and God bless you all.
