Grace in loss; Coping with Miscarriage

Miscarriage.  It’s one of those taboo words likes infertile, stillbirth, death…any kind of loss is just tough to talk about whether it be your own or another’s.  So how do you help someone out who is going through that?  Honestly, I don’t know.  I don’t know because it’s what I’m going through now and I don’t even know how to handle it myself.  I couldn’t even begin to express the hoard of emotions that comes rushing over you when you realize the child you once carried, for however short a time, is no longer there; that the life once inside will now never know the face of God without the grace of baptism.  There. I said it.  The greatest thing that haunts me as a mother; 4 of my children will never see the face of God.  If you want taboo, now that’s taboo.  How do you offer comfort to a grieving mother when you can’t offer her the most consoling thing?

Does that mean God has just abandoned mothers who miscarry?  That He really doesn’t care about those children that are seemingly tossed aside?  Of course not and never for a moment would I consent to think that way.  What is Faith unless it is tested?  How can I proclaim that I have total trust in God and the first bump in the road throw that so-called Faith to the wayside?  I can’t.    Despite all this heartache, gloom, depression, anger, despair, and confusion that rages inside, I don’t doubt for a second that God foresaw this and also foresaw the good that will come of this, provided I allow Him to continue working in my life.  It’s in God’s plan…how can I not feel comfort in that?  God doesn’t cause anything bad to happen…that’s the result of sin.  He gave us the chance at a perfect world long ago and we squandered that opportunity.  We, through our eagerness to sin, have caused the disorder that has befallen our world.  However, despite God giving us a perfect world and us throwing it back in His face and rejecting Him, He still works to make every bad thing good again.  How sad He must be to see an aching mother’s heart, breaking over the loss of a child.  All He wants is to comfort and make right again, if we would only let Him.  All He asks is for us to come to Him in prayer, and there He is, arms outstretched, ready comfort and guide us. 

My intellect knows all this but in those moments of aching and confusion, everything becomes so muddled.  No matter how many times I hear it or read it, it won’t sink in until I bring myself to my knees before the cross and ask; ask God for the grace of acceptance, the grace to move on and glorify Him through these trials.

So we’re back to how do you comfort a grieving mother?  Offer her sympathy and then pray.  Pray for her to find God in this and God will do the rest.  I know from experience that I will not move on or find comfort until I drop to my knees before God and give Him everything, yet each time, despite that knowledge, I struggle.  Because I know that even after that, it still hurts.  And it hurts for a long time.  And I’m not ready yet to bear that burden.  But I always forget that I don’t bear it alone…Our Lord shoulders it with me, carrying me in these times of hardship.

And there is also comfort in the belief that though my babies are not in Heaven with Our Lord, they are in a place with no suffering or sadness.  Though there is no defined doctrine on this in the Church, it has been the opinion of Saints and theologians throughout the years that there is no merited punishment and therefore they are in a place of complete contentment.  We also believe that God has given every soul a guardian angel until the moment they reach their final destination and whether it be Limbo or otherwise, I imagine my babies' guardian angels, ever so gently, taking my babies into their arms to carry them to that final destination. 

I’m not ready to move forward but I never will be.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t.  There are going to be ups and downs and constant reminders.  Just this morning, I woke up feeling more like I could handle the day and then I found out about another mother who was expecting her third and I dissolved into a puddle of tears.  With all the expectant mothers around me, there are constant reminders of what I had, but lost.  Every moment of pain, however, is an opportunity to allow grace to work within me; another jewel I can put in my treasure box to give to Our Lord.  He made sacrifice so beautiful, the ultimate example of love.  And now He’s giving me the opportunity to imitate that example while supplying the strength I need to do so.  And just because my heart aches for another child I’ve lost, doesn’t mean I’m not also happy at the same time for another mother bringing forth life.  Yes, it’s a reminder, but it’s also beautiful because for a child lost, there is another one being brought into this world and I would have to be extremely selfish not to see the joy in that.

I didn’t know how this post was going to end, but I knew I needed to write it, even if it was just to once again organize the muddled thoughts inside.  It seems God has worked through my fingers on this keyboard to offer me some comfort while trying to write something for you all.  By allowing others to read these thoughts, I’m somehow committing to them; it is holding me accountable that even in those hard moments I’m going to pick myself up again and keep bringing it back before the cross, where I will find strength to continue forward.

There is heartache in suffering, but there is also peace and joy when you unite it with that of Our Lord, trusting in His Divine Plan, and remembering this life is a valley of tears.  Someday this life will end, and the one that awaits us has no more tears and no more pain.  The tears are a reminder that we were not made for this life but for the next, and that is where our focus should be.

Please keep us in your prayers and God bless you all.

~Lindsay

Treating Winter Illness Naturally with Kids

It's winter.  I think I can officially say that now by the looks of our lawn out the window.  Goodbye leaves, goodbye grass...hello white blanket of snow.  Yes, it's beautiful.  Who wouldn't say a glittering white snowfall, covering the trees and ground sparkling in the sunlight was?? But (and there's always a but) along with that beautiful snow comes a freezing cold.  And along with that cold comes being huddled inside and inevitably, the spread of germs and illness.

We were hit as early as Thanksgiving with a full fledged flu.  It knocked me over so completely that I didn't even have the presence of mind to try to lessen it by natural means, which I usually do.  But when Zenith and the boys started showing symptoms, I got right on the ball.  Zenith was sick less than half the time I was, and the boys showed minimal symptoms, and I have to give credit to the natural remedies we use.

Apple Cider Vinegar:

Our success to keeping healthy starts with prevention.  And prevention starts with Apple Cider Vinegar.  However, not all ACV is created equal...the secret is in the "mother."  Gross sounding, I know, but true ACV has something called "the mother" which is the culture of beneficial bacteria that turns apple cider to vinegar in the first place.  And it has a whole bunch of health benefits, from digestive problems, to immune health, to using topically for skin ailments and acne!

We use it at the first exposure to a virus.  I find the best way to get it down (because it is NOT pleasant straight, although some people can!) is to use it as a tea or 1-2 tsp in 4-6 ounces of apple juice/cider.

Apple Cider Vinegar Tea:
1-2 tsp ACV with the mother
1 tsp raw honey
4-6 ounces of hot water
Sprinkle of cinnamon

We'll do 1-2 tsp 2 times a day, though some people do a lot more with great results.

Silverbiotics:

Something relatively new to us is the benefits of colloidal silver.  It's a natural antibiotic that is great for fighting infections.  SilverBiotics is a combo of true colloidal silver and probiotics so you can take it on a regular basis to build up the immune system.  Be wary of the types of silver you get...some may say colloidal silver without actually being true colloidal silver.  SilverBiotics is the one we trust as it was recommended by a nutritionist, being true colloidal silver as well as probiotics.  It can even be used in a nebulizer for those nasty coughs that hang on and threaten to send you to the doctor for an antibiotic.

*Of course as with all of these natural remedies, there is a time and place for the doctor and medication and nothing can replace the advice of a good, trusted doctor.  However, I believe in trying to heal the body in a natural way by working with it before resorting to medications and antibiotics.


Essential Oils:

Now this one is my favorite.  I've been using essential oils for a couple years, in fact I posted about the start of my journey here on my blog quite a while ago.  Since then I've discovered the many uses for health as well as around the house.  I won't go into it too much now, but maybe I'll do another post on just essential oils in the future.

For immune support, whether using for prevention or after exposure, Lemon, Tea Tree, Oregano, Frankincense, Douglas Fur, and Wild Orange are all wonderful oils.  However, I usually just save myself all the mixing and figuring out what gets used how and use Guard On by doTERRA since it's a premixed blend that is great for immune support and faster healing after you've already come down with something.  Aromatherapy is the most effective means of using the oils, either by diffusing them (I highly recommend getting a diffuser if you don't have one!) or rubbing a drop or two in the palms and holding them up to your nose and taking deep breaths.

If you don't have Guard On, Frankincense, Douglas Fur, and Wild Orange is a great combo for kids when mixed together, especially for night time.  While Peppermint or Breathe (another doTERRA blend) are wonderful for congestion, they're not the best for nighttime since they can also be energizing.  Frankincense is very grounding and helps the body relax while Douglas Fur is another oil for congestion and Wild Orange has immune boosting properties.  With either that mix, or Guard On, diluted in some coconut oil, olive oil, or avocado oil (whatever we have), I rub it along the boys' spines and chest to help break up congestion, keep them calm and help their bodies heal.

Guard On on the bottoms of our feet has been very effective as well!  I started that on Zenith as soon as he started sniffling and he was out of it in no time.

**Just a note on essential oils and their safety to use with children.  I may have a few people horrified that I've suggested some of these oils to be used on children.  There are some "studies" out there that suggest essential oils are not safe to use on children, which is why I wouldn't turn to google for your answer since these claims are not based on much.  However, the fact is that not all essential oils are created equal.  I have done hours and hours of research on this subject and finally found that the cheap oils you'd find in a drug store or supermarket are not all they say they are.  Though not advertised as such, they have fillers and added junk.  Oils that are truly pure are completely safe for children as long as they are properly diluted and used correctly.
In my search, I have found that doTERRA has the most pure oils and goes through the most rigorous testing to make sure they are safe and effective.  I can get into that in a future post, but they are the brand I'd recommend above all.  There are definitely some comparable brands that though they don't go through the same tests and have the same potency, are still safe and good to use.  I've tested out a few brands and from experience I can say doTERRA has worked the best for our family and I feel most comfortable using them with my children.

Probiotics:

I can't stress enough how important a healthy gut promotes a good immune system.  With GMOs in everything we eat, food has radically changed in the past 100 years.  It's also changing the way our bodies react to food.  Food sensitivities and allergies are on the rise as well as immune systems failing to fight illnesses the way they used to.  Nothing can replace what a good, whole food diet can do for our gut health and immune system, but in addition to that, a good probiotic can do wonders for building up a good immune system.

When searching for a good probiotic, don't settle for something in the health aisle in the grocery store or pharmacy.  A health food store should have a refrigerated section with high quality probiotics that tells you the good bacteria is still alive.  A good probiotic should be kept cold to keep the strands from dying.  They can also be ordered online and often come with a cold pack.  It's not a huge deal if they don't ship with a cold pack as they can still survive for a week or so without being kept cold but it is better for them if it is.

Garlic:

Infusing olive oil with garlic clove is an excellent preventative measure for ear infections in kids!  I swear, the boys have been on the verge of ear infections several times and the garlic hasn't failed me yet.

Using crushed or minced garlic, add a couple tbsp to about 1/2 cup of extra virgin olive oil and put it on low heat for about 5 to 10 mins.  Remove from heat and really crush that garlic and stir into oil to try to infuse as much of the garlic into it as possible.  I usually let it sit for a bit to cool and then strain the oil, discarding the garlic, and keep it in an airtight container.  I usually slather the oil all around the ear, and down onto the throat, sometimes even rubbing the oil into the ear just a bit.


Why I choose natural remedies for my family:

After dealing with Chronic Lyme Disease for awhile, I've been forced to think outside the box for alternative medicine since not only were the standard treatments failing me, but I also have a genetic mutation that makes it hard to process and eliminate toxins from my body.  Common pain killers, antacids, and other over the counter medications have done more long term damage to my body, despite the immediate relief.  Having been forced to look for alternatives for myself, I've seen how the standard over the counter medicines can be harmful even to a healthy person.

As I said before though, there is a time and place for medicine and doctor's visits and we've definitely had to make the trip.  I just prefer to first look for something that will work with my children's body's to help them feel better while at the same time not suppressing their immune system and prolonging the illness as pain killers and cold medicines can do.  Not to mention the ingredients in a child's pain reliever/fever reducer!  Dyes, high fructose corn syrup, sucralose...seriously?!  I'm going to avoid those if I can.  And if going natural doesn't cut it, we have an excellent doctor that we trust that we can go to, but honestly there haven't been many times that we've had to.

There you go!  Hope you find these as helpful as we have! I'm no expert and there are plenty of other more qualified people to give you more information than me (Dr. Mercola, Dr. Axe, and Dr. Amy Myers, all have some excellent articles on this subject) but I thought I'd just share what works for us.  Yes, it's definitely more work than giving them some pain reliever or cold medicine, but I feel so much better knowing that what I'm giving them is not only helping them feel better, but it's good for them!

~Lindsay

Snapshots of life: November and December

November:

Just having fun in a basket, as you do.

Play time with the cousins!

Thanksgiving was just a quiet affair at home this year.  We made it special at home and it was kind of exciting to be able to "host" my own. ;)

Can't have Thanksgiving without Apple Pie

Our Manger scene on the first Sunday of Advent.  It's bareness symbolizes how much preparation needs to be done to ready our souls for the coming of Christ.  Every Sunday we will add more pieces.  We also have our sacrifice jar out and when William does an exceptional job with something, does something extra, is extra nice to his brother, etc., he gets to put a bead in the jar.  After 5 beads he gets a holy card as a reward.  On Christmas, William will present his sacrifices in the form of the "precious jewels" to the Baby Jesus as his to Him.

December:

On the eve of the Feast of St. Nicholas, the boys put their shoes out and in the morning they found goodies in them and the play Nativity set out! (Yes, Mary is currently MIA...toys with lots of pieces are very aggravating with two little ones that like to scatter them everywhere!) 

This little guy has been using the potty chair!  We're starting "pre potty training" just because he seems interested enough and I figure when we actually start potty training, it'll feel a lot more normal to him and hopefully make the transition easier.

And who could resist this chubby kid sitting on the potty??

By Gaudette Sunday, we're seeing more shepherds and animals arriving on the scene.  Even some trees! ;)

William during the rosary

Stinky boy

New counting game

Cuties in the morning

Where's Marcellus??