This is my favorite time of year. The leaves are changing colors and there's just something so fun about autumn activities! Apple picking, pumpkin picking, pumpkin carving, fairs and festivals, cool days (which means more accessorizing! ;)), colorful scenic drives, and of course apple pie, crisp, cake, tart, sauce, pancakes and whatever else you can put it in!
So Saturday, we (us and a friend) joined my parents, my sister and her family in some apple picking. The day was perfect...almost. It was sunny, there were lots of colors on the trees, the apples were ready for picking, and...it was 80 degrees. Those who like Indian Summers may have been happy, but I'm ready for Autumn, and done with summer. Apple picking just isn't the same when your cheeks and nose don't get rosy from the snap in the air and you can't put your favorite sweater on.
But despite feeling like we were all ready for a swim afterwards, we had a very nice time. My two nieces were just adorable, walking through the orchard, testing apples and carefully choosing the perfect apples to go in the bag (though perfect to them included bruises and discolorations). ;)
William enjoyed watching everyone from the Ergo
"Man-time"
My sister and her family on a hay ride
Sunday we were able to get together with my father's side of the family to say goodbye to my cousin who is going back to Haiti to continue her missionary work there. As always, it was a joy to catch up with aunts, uncles, cousins and their families.
Yesterday, during William's nap, I took the time to sit outside with my bible and coffee. It was a beautiful fall day; the leaves are already splashed with red, orange and yellow, the sun was streaming through the branches, birds chirping, and there was just enough snap in the air to make it feel like an autumn day. That beauty around me was the perfect setting to raise my mind and heart to God through some bible reading. I was only out there for 15 minutes, but it was enough to refresh me for the rest of the day and keep me focused on Our Lord. I always complain that I don't have the time to set aside for prayer or reading, but when it comes down to it, I know I can spare at least 15 minutes at some point during the day and I'd like to try to keep it up.
John 15:2 particularly struck me with everything that has happened; "Every branch in me that beareth not fruit, he will take away: and every one that beareth fruit, he will purge it, that it may bring forth more fruit." This reminded me that to be a part of the True Vine, which is Jesus, we must take part in his suffering. Suffering bears fruit and brings forth joy, but in order to continue bearing fruit, sometimes that fruit must be purged and taken away, just as flowers need to be pruned in order to bring forth other flowers. If this life were meant to be all comforts and no challenges and trials, how would we ever grow and learn? We couldn't continue to bear fruit, so Our Lord must continue sending us trials so that we may continue growing and bearing fruit. Just thought I'd share that small thought that popped into my head when reading this. :)
I also wanted to share something else that touched me yesterday. I received a package from my sister-in-law and her husband with a very sweet note and this little statue as a reminder of our little Gabriel. What a comforting thought that our little baby is protected in the wings of his guardian angel and it's just nice to have something else around to remind me of the baby I once carried. Thank you Miriam and Dan!
Mommy thought it might be nice if I shared my day with you all. As you saw in the video Mommy posted of me in the morning, a couple posts back, I wake up every morning in a very good mood...well, maybe sometimes I'm a little crabby and cry and fuss while Mommy changes my diaper. After I'm all cleaned up and Mommy puts a nice clean diaper on me (I just love rolling around on the changing table...it's so much fun with a bare bum!), Mommy feeds me and then we have some play time in bed.
Playtime in bed is fun! Roo and Sheepy play with me while Mommy does some reading. I don't know why since playing with Roo and Sheepy is much more fun than reading but I like to try and pull at Mommy's books and chew on them when she's not looking.
Then it's breakfast time and Mommy feeds me cereal and applesauce.
She likes to sneak other things into it but I always know when it's different and I make sure I give her a face.
Then Mommy cleans up and she puts me down for a nap. I like nap time so when Mommy gives me my blankie, I snuggle up with it and go right to sleep. When I wake up, my diaper is wet again (I don't know why!) so Mommy changes me and then it's lunch time.
Lunch is best when you wear something on your head.
Mommy isn't the best aim, so I get lots of food on my face. I think it's funny to wiggle and squirm all around when she's trying to feed me.
Sometimes we go out grocery shopping or run errands in the afternoon. Today we stayed in and had afternoon playtime!
I love rolling around and I can wiggle and get into stuff now. I love grabbing computer cords and things I'm not supposed to, but Mommy always takes them away and puts them where I can't get at them. (Daddy calls her the "fun police")
I don't like it when Mommy leaves the room to "get stuff done" (I don't know what's more important than playing with me!) I sometimes get crabby and fuss.
And then Mommy says it's nap time, but I'm not tired.
Well, maybe just a little.
I think that's enough for today. With my tummy full of milk, it's time for my nap!
Since we had the chance to meet and hold our little one, though he/she was no longer alive, we decided we would like to name him/her. I came across the name Gabriel and it seemed to fit the baby well. We're unsure of the gender, though I always think of the baby as a boy and even think I may have seen "boy parts," though I'm not positive. However, angels, though in the bible they are presented as men, don't have genders. This is why I felt Gabriel was appropriate, named after the angel Gabriel, who announced the conception of Jesus to Our Lady as well as St. John the Baptist to Zachary. I was due about the time of the Feast of the Annunciation (March 25th) when the angel Gabriel appeared to Our Lady to tell her she was to be the Mother of God which made the name feel all the more providential.
Little Gabriel had a very proper burial at Mom and Dad's (since we live in an apartment and didn't want to bury him here). Dad cleared a beautiful spot out in the back and made a white little casket for our baby to be buried in. It felt the most respectful to the body of our baby to bury him and it gives my human mind comfort knowing my baby is close.
It's hard not to wonder what Gabriel would have looked like, what personality he would have had, and what was in his future. But God obviously saw something in that future that wouldn't have been good for him, and in His Mercy spared him from a life that might have sent him to eternal punishment. Who knows, but as always, knowing this was the Will of God is a comfort and I don't need to understand or know why since Our Lord already does.
Speaking of angels, I picked up a little booklet off the shelf about Guardian Angels recently. It made me realize how much overtime mine must be doing through all this. They comfort us, strengthen us, help us through temptation, admonish us when we have sinned and watch out for both our bodily and spiritual welfare. It's pretty incredible that God has blessed each and every one of us with such a valuable companion through life. They even fight for us on our deathbeds to keep away temptations and then, should we be in the perfect state of grace, present our souls to God to be rewarded in Heaven. However, they won't do much in our favor if we have ignored them all our lives. We should pray to them, ask them to present our prayers to God and plead for us since they are the messengers of God; thank them for the many times they have stepped in to save us from temptation or from bodily harm; ask them to keep watch over us and for their continued guidance and support.
Here's a cute little clip of William and Daddy dancing after dinner one night to brighten your day. ;)
Gladly do we receive the gifts which Our Lord generously bestows upon us. We receive them with joy, very often taking them for granted and without sufficient thanks. There are also times when God sees fit to take back what He has given our unworthy selves, not out of malice or some cruel joke, but for the good of our souls. For what Saint ever made it to Heaven on the pleasures of this world? I think at last I understand in a very small way why the Saints accepted and even sought out suffering so willingly...the joy that comes with surrendering to Divine Providence and the suffering of this life is incomparable with any of the pleasures this life has to offer.
The Lord gave us a precious gift, and now He has taken it away. In His Divine Plan, He saw that this was in our best interest, though we will never understand or know why. Wednesday, I had my first appointment with my midwife. We listened to the heartbeat and everything seemed perfect. Even with this confirmation, I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Friday, I started bleeding and Saturday morning, I finally started to accept what my body was trying to tell me. We went into the hospital to confirm what my heart already knew, but my mind was trying to deny. An ultrasound confirmed no heartbeat. They sized the baby at 9 weeks, though the doctor thinks the baby could have shrunk after passing away and our dates could have been off since we heard a heartbeat on Wednesday. There's no knowing when or why it happened but we were sent home to wait.
Last night, after 3 hours of intense labor pains, I delivered our little baby. I had made one request of Our Lord through the whole thing...that I might see and hold our baby. I can't begin to describe how blessed I feel that He granted my request and I was able to hold him/her in the palm of my hand, see his/her little fingers and toes and even the tiny ears. It was undeniable that our beautiful baby was human, even at this early stage of development. From what I had read of development and from the size of the baby, it seemed to be between 10 and 11 weeks old. It was the greatest gift for both Zenith and I to witness the miracle of what was once a life in one of its earliest stages. It reinforced that I was still a mother of two, though the second is no longer with us, and all that I went through the past few months with nausea and fatigue didn't just end in the passing of "tissue." I had a baby inside me who will never taste the bitterness of suffering or pain, but will spend eternity in a perfect state of happiness.
Zenith has been incredibly strong and my rock through all this. He was there for me every step of the way to comfort or cry with me. Each new trial we go through just proves to unite us more closely with each other, and brings us closer to God.
As hard as it's been, we're doing ok. Thanks to the prayers and loving support of our family and friends, we have been showered with God's grace, strength and consolation to make it through this and hopefully come out the better for it.
Sadly we go through this, but joyfully we move forward, and remember that every good thing comes from God and that as He gives, He also takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Indeed every good and perfect gift is from above, for no good thing can happen without God, who is all Good. I have mentioned this in my earlier posts, but since this is the first time I'm sharing my blog with anyone, I decided to make it an official announcement. (I didn't want to share my blog until I was sure I was going to keep up with it.)
Zenith, William and I would like to share our exciting news that this family of 3 is growing into a family of 4! I just had my first appointment with my midwife the other day, and everything looked and sounded great. We plan on giving birth at the same birth center as with William.
Our 2 bedroom apartment should be able to squeeze us all in for now, although two cribs will definitely not fit in the nursery so we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it. The baby will be in our room for a while anyway. However the car is a different story. Unless Zenith doesn't mind driving with his seat all the way forward, squished into the steering wheel, we can't fit two car seats in our Suzuki. We've had our eye open for something a bit bigger and taking care of us as He always does, God plunked (I think that's a word) the perfect car into our laps.
Introducing our newest addition (yet to be named):
Our 2009 Honda Odyssey EX-L
We were so blessed to find such a good car that will last us (hopefully) a while, which was so fairly priced and within our budget. It drives very nicely and I don't think we're going to know what to do with all that space! Uuuumm, well, maybe we do. Camping anyone? :)
No seriously, we're shooting for a camping trip soon up north. I'm now in my second trimester and have been itching to go hiking and camping. This time of year is just perfect with the leaves starting to turn and that almost fall snap in the air. Campfires under the stars, bacon and eggs over the fire, hot cocoa and cuppas in the evening, waking to birds chirping and sun streaming through the leaves overhead, and of course Zenith's favorite: percolator coffee over the fire in the morning...ahhhh I'm ready! (And yes, we use an air mattress...I don't rough it that much.) William sleeps well at night (7:30pm-8am with one 6am feeding) so hopefully bringing a 7 month old won't be too big of an issue...hopefully. We'll be bringing a friend who is from Arizona so this should be a different experience for her, provided she doesn't freeze during the night.
William seems to get a little older looking/acting everyday. He doesn't crawl yet, but he moves around the floor by rolling and wiggling. He loves to hear himself talk, especially during Mass, because everyone knows that's the best time to be loud. About the time Daddy gets home, he starts to get fussy and crabby until Daddy walks through the door and he gives him his best and biggest smile. He loves playing with his Daddy and they have "man-time" in the evening so Mommy can have a break before he goes to bed.
He's eating pears, applesauce, sweet potatoes, rice cereal, and bananas in addition to breastmilk now. I've been signing with him since he was born and this past week he started signing milk when he is hungry and is trying to sign "more" and "all done." He likes to show off his new abilities since he knows it makes Mommy excited, so while he's nursing, he'll periodically look at me, sign milk, and then smile at my reaction.
I took this video of William waking up one morning. He was just so darn cute, I had to capture it.
I'm discovering little by little that a small amount of cleaning more often is much more efficient than a once in a while cleaning spree (not to mention you get to live in a clean house!). Last week was the first time I picked up the vacuum in over a month since the first trimester of this pregnancy has left me pretty much useless.
While making bread, I dropped my container of sugar, spilling its contents ALL OVER the kitchen. I figured that was a good time to get out the vacuum again, so while I was at it, I did the whole house. Then as I was cleaning up after bread making, I wiped down the cabinets and did some more deep cleaning. Well one thing led to another and I'm now sitting here taking a break after doing a pretty intense cleaning session.
I want to try to do a little bit every day so I don't end up super frustrated, like I've been, because I can't stand living in the dirt and inches of dust on all the furniture but don't have the energy to get on my hands and knees and do a thorough cleaning.
Regardless, it's felt nice being so productive today for the first time in forever. I made yogurt yesterday and strained it today. It really wasn't that hard and came out quite nice! Definitely better for you and much cheaper than buying organic yogurt as I've been doing. Here's the link for it...check out the rest of her blog, she's got some great stuff! http://www.livingwellspendingless.com/2014/01/15/make-homemade-yogurt/ I've been baking bread for Zenith's sandwiches so we don't have to buy it...still working on perfecting that. So far this is the best recipe I've found: http://www.melaniecooks.com/soft-white-sandwich-bread-recipe-for-bread-machine/2258/
I'm back to cloth diapering now that I don't get the urge to vomit every time I have to scrape a poop into the toilet and I have more energy to do the laundry that goes along with it.
I've been back to cooking dinner, although I'm still working on coming up with some meal plans to save myself so much work and those nights when I scratch my head and think, "What am I going to make with nothing tonight??"
William has been starting to try to sit with only a little support. Here are some of his attempts.
"Yup, I'm pretty much a big boy now"
"I'm even babbling now...I love to sit there and say 'Bah bah bah bah' and Daddy and I make silly noises at each other"
"Oops...this sitting thing is harder than it looks"
